I have had struggles with myself and with others. Why ? I can blame a lot of things but I don’t want to blame that. I just want to share how it has been for me and how I get along with it. How I deal with it better. ( in other story’s I will tell more about why I have this problems)
My first problems started when I was around 13, when puberty hits you , you can be very scared ,insecure and feel alone. I struggled with talking to others I was not shy but just scared. Mostly when I talked with parents of my friends. I got so nervous that I got small nerves in my face. It was so frustrating because I felt okay. I just couldn’t talk and say what I wanted to say.
New study new challenges
Later I started a new study , it was a study for military education. If I finished that study I could join the military. It was a great study. And I had a lot of fun. I learned a lot about myself as a person because I must do things I had never done. I felt more sure about myself and was happy. I learned how to overcome my fear.And I had not longer struggles at least that is what I thought.
Joining the Military
After my study I joined the Military it was hard sometimes and my struggles came back because I had to do things that where very important to do right. There I discovered that I had performance anxiety. I struggled with easy things like asking someone to help me. Or when I had a problem and didn’t knew what to do I got so scared that I couldn’t function. I cried when there was nothing wrong. It took me so much power to do my job right.
Dealing with it
Until one day, I had a good talk with a co-worker he explained that he understand what was going on with me, and told me that his wife had the same problems. He told me that it is okay to feel like this. My biggest problem was what others thought of me , but I needed to look to myself not at a negative way but at a positive way. Ask yourself what you did good. And not what you did wrong. And focus on the good things.
I did, I became more sure about what I was doing and when something when good I was happy with myself, when something went wrong I asked myself why are you feeling like this everyone makes mistakes, get up and try again, you can do it.
How is it going now.
Ofcourse sometimes I have a break down again, but not that much as earlier. I don’t run away from tasks anymore. I tell myself try it. It is okay to make mistakes. I ask help if I am insecure, because I now know that people like to help me. And I became better at my job and at my social skills. I can now talk infront of a group without getting scared. I can do a lot things better. because of a little talk with a co-worker.
Some advice for you
If you feel like this sometimes. Then all I can say is it will get better. try to tell yourself that it is okay to feel like this sometimes. But try to let the bad feelings go. Talk to others about how you feel. Maybe they can help you when you feel unsure. Others will be there for you. You don’t need to do everything perfect. Because nobody can. It is okay to make mistakes, but try to learn from it !