I am out for like 6 years now and sometimes I think about how it was to be in the closet, so here is part 1 of me hidding my sexuality.
I had a blog on Tumblr you know that platform where a lot of naked photos are shown, I was openly gay on there but not in real life. I blogged everyday, also in the bus at school and of course at home.
Everywhere I checked out cute gay girls on tumblr, but every time somebody was around I was hell nervous. I put down my phone and waited for them to go away.
I remember how I sat everyday at my pc in the living room, where my parents also sat, sometimes my (now ex)step mother walked behind me to look on my screen I always had a double page with facebook or youtube so I could switch screens when she walked up to me.
Also I was a big fan of the L word, and for those people who don’t know what it is there is a lot of lesbian sex in it, but it is also very funny sometimes, one time my dad asked why are you laughing and I was like ‘’nothing’’. He said “no tell me”
In my head it was like “eum im laughing because these lesbian woman are so awesome and gay and sexy and hot and I love them and I love this gay series dad im hella gay so yeah that is why I laugh” But I told him this. ‘’Somebody felt” I didn’t knew what to say I freaked out, and he looked at me like wtf is wrong with you, I have such a weird daughter.
But now im out and I watch everywhere gay stuff and it doens’t bother me anymore what people think. So yeah if you are not out and know how this feels. There will come a time that you dont have to hide it anymore.