I try everyday, be happy, be motivated,talk to people and show that I can do it.
But im not confident, not at all, they say I need to be, it is not that hard. For me it is! Because every time when I think I do everything right something happens and fuck im back at the beginning. Im that nervous, shy, outcast person again. Sometimes people just want to learn me something because I didn’t do it right, but I freak out and all I can think about it “im not good enough, I have fucked up again” and I start to get emotional. I see them think why, nothing really happened….
But for me it is important to do things right, I dont want to let people down, I want to be loved. And that is not always the right thing to want. people will not always like you and I need to accept that.
Sometimes I get to know a person good, I start see them as a friend of me, but also with them im afraid to fuck up. And when something happened I freak out.. and be sad for a long time, even if there happened a small thing and when the other person already forgot it. I will still think about it. But I try too forget and try to be loved again.
As I said I try, I try to hard, I need to let things go! And I will try that.